this will also hurt like hell but be okay

 like looking back over my shoulder while we 

bump up the dirt road like leaving the farm

behind for the rest of my life 

knowing

it's locked with no way to open the little scenes in the hearts hanging on the Christmas tree

forever for the rest of my life goodbye and it's okay among 

the crocheted snowflakes

the sunset i dreamt was a popped balloon

i zoomed in

too soon

the empty room is closing me in

run

cold trail of thoughts wasted
ache of the swing in season and scent of
something out of reach for no reason

i'd have fallen on my knees to beg if i'd
thought it could have lasted
but the distance in an inch between us was more
than i could imagine

now i leave before the petals wither
scared tomorrow those blue eyes won't be there either

September Wedding

That day as fragile as the two roses lying
in the pew in place of your grammy and grampy
Then in the rainy front seat after
my heart still trying to beat

our eyes avoiding all the lines drawn standing in the wet grass

i unfold this memory every time to find us
packing our things in your jeep and i grab onto you
one of many times i tried to fit you back in through the thornbush of broken ribs
i held onto you so long after i knew i had to let you go.

i don't want you to know
that i bought that cd just to see
how your favorite song sounds

and i don't want you to know i know
it's your favorite song

if he knew?

breath held tightly in teeth because lips touch hands touch lips and i'm between here and there again i don't know and i know again heard a heartbeat in the background hit the ground began to pound so i'm looking around

Down Your Face

Where I kissed you
dust
Your eyes twinkled
trails of rust

wasn't my fist that broke your smile that Novemeber morning

maybe treading water to stay afloat caused those three years of mourning